Hello hello! I have a fun little post for you today about all the weird stuff I brought home. I am a bit of a hoarder, but in a fun, charming, crafty way. My Cancerian nature (for anyone who is into astrology) gives meaning to every article of clothing or pretty much any item in my backpack…except receipts. (A regrettable exception around tax time.) So here you go, some weird souvenirs that, if not used to make something cute, will probably end up in a scrapbook.

A single nipple warmer

Told you.

Becky and I were in Nelson, New Zealand, buying a birthday gift for my brother (he got a necklace, not anything furry.) And we saw these nipple warmers. Apparently you can get them in a few souvenir shops throughout New Zealand, but we hadn’t seen them before and made a purchase immediately. After sticking them on ourselves and the front of the van, we shoved them on the chests of all of the dude friends we met on our journey.

Once it was time to leave New Zealand, we could not leave even a single nip cold. Becky and I split the nipple warmers, and every time I see it, I crack a tiny little smile.

Prizes from airport surveys 

Here’s a fun thing to do in airports: take surveys and get free souvenirs that literally replicate a purchase you had made in the airport gift shop two minutes prior.

In Tokyo, I bought a collection of sushi erasers and a pen from a stationary store. I figured I would give out the erasers as little gifts. As a reward for making an oh so selfless purchase, I bought myself a pen. After I put the items in my bag, I walked through security to my gate. Someone from Immigration asked me to participate in a face scan thing that they were testing out. I said sure, because all of my information is being monitored by the FBI anyway, so let’s add in a face scan thing.

In exchange for my participation, I got a pen.

Thanks.

On my way to the gate, a woman from a tourism agency asked me to take a survey. I didn’t want to say no, so I painstakingly answered questions about what I spent and what I ate in Tokyo. I got a set of erasers for my participation.

Nice. Two for two. If anyone wants to borrow a pen…

Four tattoos 

Tattoos! I can’t put these in a scrapbook, but I also don’t have to worry about putting them anywhere, because they are stuck on my body for the rest of my life. No Ragrets.

Here are the four beauties that now don my skin, and where I got them:

Sak Yant Tattoo – Chiang Mai, Thailand

This was one of my bucket list items and was quite the time. I didn’t get the tattoo at a temple because monks can’t touch ladies, so I went to a tattoo place with an ex-monk who wanted a pack of menthol cigarettes before the tattooing began. Seriously. I bought a pack, the guy in charge put it on a plate with a bunch of folded leaves, and I presented it all to the bad monk. He got out a bamboo rod and started poking my back. Then he blessed it, the guy downstairs reminded me that I couldn’t have sex for a year (Sak Yant tattoos come with rules,) and I was on my merry way. Now I am blessed with a lifetime of being called “Angelina Jolie,” because it’s the same tattoo (and placement) as her’s.

If you’re curious, here are the other rules of getting a Sak Yant tattoo:

• No killing, stealing, or lying
• You can’t get intoxicated
• You can’t say anything bad about your mom or someone else’s mom

If you break the rules, you don’t get the good luck of the tattoo. But you don’t get bad luck, so….

A little eyeball with some stuff dripping out – Melbourne, Australia

Onto the next tattoo. The hostel where I lived in Melbourne was basically a big sharehouse and everyone was a big ol’ family. In fact, some guests brought their family to the hostel. My friend Emma invited her sister Lauren to stay at the hostel. Her sister is a tattoo artist and offered to do some tattoos while she was staying at the hostel. As the event planner, I jumped on that idea very quick.

Toby got a diamond with mountains in it, Lin got a cat, Warwick got a hammerhead shark in a jug of beer (you know, hammered,) and I got this cute little eyeball. Why? It was on the flash sheet and Lauren wanted to tattoo it on someone. I loved it, so I laid down on the ground out back and enjoyed a fun stick and a poke.

A hand holding a heart that says, “Not You.” – Auckland, New Zealand 

Before I even got to Auckland, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo at Black Cat. The flash sheets were beautiful, and one artist had a collection of Drag Race and Simpsons art on her Instagram. Nice. The artist’s flash sheet had this hand holding a heart that says, “Not You,” and I was in love. It’s really funny to have to lift up my shorts a bit to show it off and then look someone in the eye and say, “Not you.”

Also, fun fact, when I showed the artist where I wanted it done, she said, “Ouch.” Reassuring.

The pain wasn’t too bad (it took two hours,) but whoo-boy, it’s not fun when someone’s tattooing some shading on an area so close to your –

A coffee cup! – Bali, Indonesia

Last tattoo! In Canggu, you can get a free tattoo at Dues Ex Machina on Tuesdays. Okay, not free. You have to buy two tacos and a beer before you get it, but was I not going to buy two tacos and a beer in the first place? If you want to go, they do it every day at 6 p.m., but I recommend getting there a bit earlier and saving a spot at the tables.

Getting a tattoo on my ribs while in public was a feat of smiling through the pain, but I like my little Twin Peaks baby tat.

Pizza Rock

Not to be confused with “pizza sock” or “pizza smock.”

I got this little pizza rock in Airlie Beach from my good pal Sal. We bonded over a possibly concerning love of pizza when we first met in Cairns and ended up cruising the Whitsundays together. One of our other friends brought watercolors onto the beach one afternoon and Pizza Rock was conceived. This is a wildly convenient little shape of a thing and once I get myself to the craft store it will evolve into Pizza Rock Necklace.

Subway Cards

Okay, I’m leaving the best for last, because this is like, ultra-cheap life. So I’ve got a bunch of subway cards from Australia with a collective -$25 on them. If you hop on a train to the airport (as I’ve done once or twice) and you don’t have enough money on your card, it’s chill – you’ll just have a negative balance on the card. And if you’re leaving the city forever, who cares. So now I’ve got all these cards and they’ll make a nice little edition to a scrapbook that I’ll probably spend over $25 making. Balance in the universe.

Yay for Weird Souvenirs!

Well, this was fun. Thanks for enjoying the ride, and maybe I’ll post a more helpful blog post next week.